The WIRE: Your week in review

From gun-grabbing ghouls to government fools — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest® presents: The WIRE!

Anti-liberty stormtroopers couldn’t hide their glee when terrorist Devin Patrick Kelley’s assaulted a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, murdering dozens and injuring more.

Tragedy? What “tragedy?” We’re gonna be fundraising off this for months!

In a searing expose of evil “assault weapons,” USA Today listed some of the accessories that’ll make your weapon of mass destruction the envy of the militia. They included the always-handy “chainsaw bayonet,” which is a popular bolt-on in the video game “Gear of War,” but not so much in real life.

Everything USA Today knows about guns, they learned from watching their kids play Xbox.

Comedian Stephen Colbert coughed up an analogy for the ages with his argument that government should “do something,” saying if a tiger threatened your village, you wouldn’t do nothing. Right. You’d shoot the tiger.

Unless you want to go after it with a chainsaw bayonet.

Turns out, Kelley’s rampage could have been avoided had the U.S. Air Force not forgotten to mention his domestic violence incident when they kicked his ass out on a bad conduct discharge.

Think more government can solve America’s “gun violence” problem? Say hello to more government.

Speaking of more government: An undercover operation revealed TSA screeners at airports miss test bombs and weapons more often than they catch them. But they still get to feel you up because you’re wearing button-fly jeans.

Your TSA: Providing jobs to those who couldn’t cut it at mall security guard academy.

With Alabama Republican Roy Moore’s Senate campaign taking on water, Democrats are suddenly remembering Doug Jones’ name.

First time I’ve ever seen rats jump back onto a sinking ship.

Moore may be a pig… or he may be a victim of a desperate smear campaign. Either way, given the Democrat Party’s history on this topic, I’m thinking they should probably sit this one out.

Our suite has two bedrooms, but we’ll only need one. If you know what we mean…

Democrats were jubilant as they recorded victories in New York, New Jersey and Virginia elections this week, claiming the wins in off-year elections as a bellwether for upcoming races. All three went to Hillary in 2016, which means they’re a bellwether for something like this:

By all means, give the old girl another spin!

Hillary tried to muscle in on the self-congratulations, even quoting scripture “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.” Scripture also tells us “thou shalt not bear false witness,” but I’m guessing Nana skipped that chapter.

You might wanna update Bubba on “coveting,” while you’re at it.

Obama: This is what happens when people vote!

If only the Democrats had run someone similarly inspiring last year.

Happy anniversary to President Donald Trump, as he marked one year since his historic defeat of the Clinton-Media complex.

Almost worth it, all by itself.

Snowflakes gathered in crime-ridden, Democrat-controlled cities to hold a group screamfests, apparently to remind everyone else why they voted for Trump. “Why don’t conservatives take us seriously?”

Yeah, that’s a real head-scratcher.

Senator Al Franken is calling for “vigorous oversight” of Facebook, Google and Twitter. The government wants more control over individual citizens’ communications. What could possibly go wrong?

In Franken’s America, status updates you!

Democrats wailed like banshees this week over reports White House Chief of Staff John Kelly insisted the “temporary” protected status for tens of thousands of immigrants who have been in the U.S. since they fled a hurricane in Central America — in 1998!

He thinks immigration authorities shouldn’t need 19 years to do their damned jobs? The monster!

Despite the anti-lifers’ insistence that she was just a “clump of cells,” this angel, born at just 21 weeks, is not only surviving, she’s thriving. Her parents requested her name be redacted, but I’m guessing it’s a female version of “Chuck Norris.”

“Damn! Missed one!” – Planned Parenthood

No, the Department of Justice did not demand AT&T sell off CNN in order to get a green light for their merger with Time Warner. Lucky them.

Good luck finding a buyer for that dumpster fire.

Remember Juli Briskman, the government contractor who became a hit with all the liberals after a photo of her flipping the president the bird went viral? She’s not a government contractor anymore. Her stunt got her fired.

Guess what kids: F-bombing the boss to impress your idiot friends is a bad idea.

And that’s your week in review! For the Personal Liberty Digest®, I’m Ben Crystal saying “See you next week, on The WIRE!”

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