The NewTone™ Bakesale

December 26, 2011   |  

Remember the delightful bake sales of yesteryear, when mom whipped up a batch of delicious brownies to be sold for 25 ¢, long before peanuts were banned by soccer parents with evolutionarily weak offspring? So passé!

Nowadays, we have bake sales where you pay dependent on your worth as a racial class.

If you're white, as most people at Berkeley are, you pay the full $2. But if you are black, the price is only 75 ¢. If you are Native America, you only pay 25 ¢. And if you happen to be in possession of a vagina – or at least identify as one in possession of a vagina – you get an additional 25 ¢ knocked off, leaving a Native

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woman to pay nothing. Which pretty much sums up America for the last hundred years, come to think of it.

This is all part of the New Tone of civility in post-racial Obamaland. Tea Parties where a high percentage of the attendees happen to be white middle classes over the age of 50 – AKA the actual politically interested voters of America – are racist, but some spoiled womyn studies kid can tell blacks and Natives that they're worth less is “making a statement.”

The Democrats have always made a statement when it came to race in America. Slavery and secession were certainly statements. So were Jim Crow laws and filibustering against civil rights legislation.

But this bake sale is being put on by campus Republicans! Heading right into the melée of election season, the GOP is trying its damnedest to become its own caricature.

If anyone needs me, I'll be off banging my head against a hard surface.

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