The 5 Step Process Of Re-electing Obama

February 7, 2012   |  

America, America. Dost thee know what thee hath wrought?

I can now pretty clearly see a straight shot for Obama to, believe it or not, even after the gigantic mess that he has made of this country, get re-elected.

  1. Americans are actually swayed by negative ads. Believe it or not, the reality seems to be – as was the case in Florida for example, that it doesn’t really matter what peoples political beliefs are, that if you throw enough money towards running enough negative advertising against your opponent, then you will win. So, we are a pretty weak willed lot, if we can really be swayed from our principles by a barrage of negative ads
  2. Americans like to pick a winner. I just don’t get why devoted Patriots fans will never, ever, ever, ever cheer for the Giants winning the Superbowl, but will gladly cheer on a GOP candidate who pretty much believes in almost the exact same things as our beloved lord and savior wants: the wrecking of America into a socialist paradise where the rich are crapped on and the looters are glorified
  3. Americans, being pretty optimistic, don’t get how serious the financial crisis we are in right now. We are literally on the edge of the abyss, the state cannot and will not stop spending, and the only candidate who wants to bring in cuts so deep that it might actually make a dent in something is trailing at the polls.
  4. The media, which very easily became a wing of the Obama campaign, will do the exact same thing this time around, but this time they will be even deeper in the tank for the guy. This time around the glow of electing the first African American president has worn off, so the slog will be harder. The media gets this, so in order to make 100% sure that thier man will get re-elected, pretty much all semblance of truth will fly out of the window.
  5. And finally, presented with two choices so similar in policy that you can’t really tell the difference, we will make our decision based on something else: hairstyle, race (God forbid we be known as “the country that denied a black man a second term”) or some other unimportant reason.

So you see – I don’t have a lot of faith and we can really do the right thing here. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

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