The yolk’s on us!

March 5, 2012   |  

<img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-20359" style="margin: 10px;" src="×225.jpg" alt="" width="300" hei

ght=”225″ />People never listen to me. Just because I have valuable socio-political insight at the age of eight doesn’t mean I should be ignored. I was brilliant then, and I am vindicated now. So pay attention!

Once again the law of unintended consequences rears its ugly head. I have friends who are vegetarians because the love all the furry little bits of food that I regularly consume. I generally don’t befriend the militant animal rights types, because like Ron Paul, they’re kinda nuts. They put animals over people, even though biblically, we have dominion over the birds and beasts. But since these heathens are hell-bound anyway, they care little for that little factoid.

Now, I’m not saying that just because we bipeds are boss, you should beat your dog. Not at all. Care for him, love him, and he will be loyal as the slaves your grandpappy owned.

What I am saying is that a balance needs to be struck between loving all God’s creatures, and human survival. And the funny thing is, this little problem will effect vegetarians (not vegans) most.

Families face an increase of up to 20p on a dozen eggs amid shortages across Britain and Europe.

Supplies have been hit by a combination of the ban on cruel battery cages, which came into effect in January, and rising costs for free-range producers.

The wholesale price for a dozen of the cheapest large eggs has more than doubled in the past year from 45p to 97p, while the figure for medium is up from 40p to 83p.

Look, I’ve lived and worked on a free-range farm. First of all, chickens are fucking disgusting and we likely shouldn’t be eating them or any part of them anyway. But secondly, the layers made no money. They cost a fortune to keep, took up a lot of space, and yet people wouldn’t pay more than $3/doz. So we lost out. We could have raised the prices, but people would have bought their eggs elsewhere, leaving us with nothing but stinky cannibal pets.

People want – nay, they need – food they can afford. They need cheap protein, and since it’s terrorism to bring a blasted peanut butter sandwich to school, eggs are the next best choice.

Organic food, cruelty-free, free-range blah blah is racist, classist, elitist nonsense, brought to us by the very people camped out bitching about the rich.

Do NOT take your marching orders from the idiots who can’t – or won’t – see the consequences of their actions.

Side note: Check out the name of the writer on this article. You can’t buy this kind of comedy, people.

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