Mitt Romney is King of the Corn

December 4, 2012   |  

By a mere 8 votes, Massachusetts “Republican” Mitt Romney took the Iowa caucuses last night.

Some highlights:

We’re finally free of that dopey Bachmann broad, her helmet hair, and her “cured” gay husband (makes him sound a little like a ham, wh

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ich he no doubt is).

Ron Paul placed third, behind Santorum. I don’t even know what to say to that. Do enough people in Iowa really believe that the Jooooos were behind 9/11 that they voted to put Paul in third? Apparently so. Given that, may Obama have another fun four years, because America doesn’t deserve to get rid of him if they’re willing to elevate a batshit crazy conspiracy theorist to third place in the first caucus.

The funniest part? John McCain has now come out and endorsed Mitt Romney. I… wow. If ever two elephants should have defected to the asses, it’s those two. But that wasn’t about last night’s Iowa caucuses – it’s for New Hampshire’s:

They are the oddest of odd couples. Mitt Romney is buttoned up and buttoned down, a by-the-numbers manager driven by data, logic and hard-headedness. John McCain is a freewheeling and unpredictable warrior, a visceral politician who relies on his gut and his instincts to make his way.

At this moment in the 2008 campaign, the two were sworn enemies, dueling in a nasty New Hampshire primary campaign. On Wednesday they found political communion on a stage in the Granite State. It is what happens to politicians.

It’s official: I now loathe Mitt Romney.

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