Garbage = Power, Or Why Government Employees Must Be Psychotic Misanthropes

December 7, 2012   |  

I am firmly convinced that the only reason people go into government is to control others. Let me tell you a little story.

I used to live in an area where our trash pickup was on Wednesdays. When I moved into that area, we got a letter from the trash company saying to put out the trash the night before, since the trash pickup could come anytime between 6am and 3pm, depending on how busy the “sanitation engineers” were that day. So I did so.

Eventually, I noted that every Wednesday, without fail, for more than a year, the truck would come by after 10am, in fact sometimes as late as 5pm, but always, always after 10am. Every Wednesday, like clockwork, after 10am.

So eventually, I, and everyone else on the street, got used to taking out the trash on Wednesday morning, trusting that by the evidence piled up over the last year, that the truck would not be by until after most of us had left for work.

So that’s what we all did. Every Wednesday morning, we’d greet each other on our way to take out the trash bins and get in our cars and go. This went on for over a year.

Then one day, I’m lying in bed. It’s 6am Wednesday morning. I just woke up. And what do I hear?

Yes, folks. It’s the garbage truck, banging, slamming and grinding and grunting.

So I jump up – hurriedly put on some clothes and tear out the door, half asleep, pulling my bins to the curb in the ungodly early early very cold morning. As were almost all of my neighbors, in various stages of dress. Some of us just didn’t make it in time. We grumbled and went back to bed.

So maybe after I thought, OK, maybe they changed their shift. So we all started dutifully putting our bins out the night before. Guess what?

They started coming after 10am again. And as far as I know, they are still coming after 10am.

This is what I think happened: Some government functionary in the always interesting waste removal division was incredibly bored one day, or had a fight with his wife, or was constipated, or was pissed off because he didn’t get a promotion, whatever. This guy decided, simply because he can, to screw with our heads. He probably called the waste removal company and changed the schedule on purpose just to screw us all over. I’m sure that he got a great laugh about it.

So this is my theory. Why does anyone get into government? Why would anyone aspire to be a “public servant” (chuckle), unless it was to run other people’s lives? Cause if you ask me, anyone who doesn’t want to run other people’s lives should just get into the business world. That’s where you can’t survive simply telling people what to do.

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