Equal opportunity despair!

March 21, 2013   |  

lebron-james-crying

So here I am feeling good about the living I’m making as an assistant manager at a car wash and this really smart, fast-talking guy comes along and sets me straight. Turns out I was a victim, but too stupid to know it!

Why? Because it never occurred to me how horrible the problem of wage inequality was in our nation. Paul Krugman, for example, demonstrates that hedge fund managers are making millions a year more than high school teachers – despite having less education. Talk about unfair! But it doesn’t end there.

Consider basketball star Lebron James. This guy recently signed a contract with the Miami heat for a staggering sum of money that comes to roughly 1.5 million dollars per game. Now I don’t know about you but I work just as hard as Lebron and don’t even get summers off. So there’s no reason I shouldn’t make just as much money as an NBA basketball star.

Sure, some of you know-it-all “economists” may try to explain away the differences in our salaries with a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about salaries reflecting “market forces,” and such. But thanks to Paul Krugman, I know the real reason:

The system isn’t fair.

That’s why I’m calling on all my fellow citizens to forward this letter to your congressman in support of the 2013 wage equality act. The way it would work is simple: It would mean that everyone would be guaranteed 1.5 million dollars a day. Now I suppose the nay-sayers would find fault with this idea. Like in my case it would mean you’d wind up paying several thousand of dollars for a car wash that would be understaffed and out of business in a few days…

Okay, maybe we should try this another way:

Let’s put a cap on the salaries of NBA stars. Lebron James, for example, could make no more than I make at the car wash – 24 thousand a year.  And, of course, the cap would also apply to those greedy (slave) owners of NBA teams. And… well, everybody else.

Of course, we’d have to establish an enormous police state and abolish any semblance of civil liberties as we all toil away equally under the grind of soul-crushing poverty. But at least we’d all be equally poor.

Now that’s what I call fair!

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About Post Author

Desmond Jones Jr.

Desmond Jones Jr. blogs about anarchy, pop culture, armchair anthropology and assorted miscellany at http://popgoesanarchy.wordpress.com/ Go visit him. I think he likes you.

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