September 20, 2023 12:03 pm

10 Most Popular Religions In The U.S.

The United States is a land of freedom — freedom of speech (unless you’re in public), freedom of the press (unless you’re conservative), and the freedom to bear arms (unless you’re in New Mexico). Another bedrock here in America is the freedom of relig…

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September 20, 2023 10:27 am

Trump Says There Are ‘Very Fine People On Both Sides’ Of Baby Murder Issue

PALM BEACH, FL — In an interview with Meet the Press, former President Donald J. Trump told moderator Kristen Welker that there are "very fine people on both sides" of the baby murder issue.

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September 20, 2023 10:07 am

Exclusive: Babylon Bee Uncovers Why F-35 So Hard To Find

CHARLESTON, SC — In a Babylon Bee exclusive, new evidence has been obtained that provides further insight as to how an F-35 fighter jet could disappear and remain missing until its wreckage was discovered. New images reveal the plane was outfitted with…

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September 19, 2023 2:29 pm

Zelensky Passes Around Offering Plate During U.N. Speech

NEW YORK, NY — In an effort to raise more funds to support Ukraine’s war efforts against Russia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky had ushers pass around an offering plate during his speech to the United Nations General Assembly.

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September 19, 2023 11:15 am

Lauren Boebert Attempts To Smooth Things Over With New Line Of Purity Rings

RIFLE, CO — In an attempt to appease evangelical voters who were disgusted by her display of promiscuity at Buell Theater in downtown Denver, U.S. Congresswoman Lauren Boebert has announced a brand new line of purity rings.

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September 19, 2023 9:30 am

The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender Is Available Now!

In ancient times, there were only 2 genders. Then science was invented, and we discovered thousands more!

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September 19, 2023 9:12 am

Zelensky Upset To Hear One Of His Jets Ruined

NEW YORK, NY — As Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky arrived in the U.S. to petition the U.N. for additional funds for the ongoing war with Russia, he was angered to learn one of his F-35s had been carelessly ruined by the American military.

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September 18, 2023 3:52 pm

Beer Company Reminds You To Buy As Much Beer As Possible And Also Drink Responsibly

ST. LOUIS, MO — Local consumers were caught in a familiar but confusing position this week after television advertisements from a popular beer manufacturer urged viewers to "drink responsibly" while simultaneously prompting them to purchase as …

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September 18, 2023 3:00 pm

Bad Luck: Military Announces Lost F-35 Was Carrying Epstein Client List

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blow to the transparency of information and what could have been a treasure trove of evidence against a global sex trafficking ring, the Pentagon has announced the lost F-35 fighter jet was apparently carrying the only known cop…

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September 18, 2023 1:50 pm

Military Personnel Seen Wandering Forest Pressing Button On F-35 Key Fob

HUGER, SC — A team of Marines was seen trudging through the woods, stopping every 30 feet to wave a key fob around in a 90° arc, say campers at Francis Marion National Forest. The Marines, who traveled in a tactical column, were allegedly on a mission …

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September 18, 2023 1:01 pm

‘Only 2 Cars In Line At McDonald’s? This Won’t Take Long!’ Says Dumbest Man Alive

SAN BERNARDINO, CA — The world’s dumbest man, Jeremy Dander, pulled up to a McDonald’s outside of lunch hours, noticed only two cars in the drive-thru, and made the mistake of assuming the experience wouldn’t take long.

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September 18, 2023 12:05 pm

Dove Soap To Replace Bird Logo With More Body-Positive Manatee

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ — As part of a new marketing initiative, the makers of Dove soap have announced they will be replacing the brand’s longtime bird silhouette logo with a more body-positive image of a manatee.

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September 18, 2023 10:59 am

Aging Senators Show Up To Work In Their Hospital Gowns After Dress Code Relaxed

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a change in the Senate’s informal dress code, aging senators were excited to show up to work Monday in their hospital gowns.

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September 18, 2023 10:36 am

Trump Brags He Could Abort A Baby On Fifth Avenue And Not Lose Voters

PALM BEACH, FL — Trump is courting controversy again after bragging during an interview with Megyn Kelly that he could abort a baby on Fifth Avenue and not lose any voters.

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