November 22, 2023 3:43 pm
Men Pretending To Be Women Go To Lunch With Man Pretending To Be Catholic
VATICAN CITY — A group of men pretending to be women were invited to the Vatican today to share a special lunch with a man pretending to be Catholic.
November 22, 2023 3:05 pm
‘Our Family Doesn’t Even Have A Weird Uncle,’ Thinks Man Moments Before Realizing He’s The Weird Uncle
SILOAM SPRINGS, AR — A local man found himself embroiled in a personal crisis today as he prepared to take his traditional trip to an extended family Thanksgiving holiday after coming to the realization that he is, indeed, the "weird uncle" he’…
November 22, 2023 1:52 pm
7 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About The Real Saint Nick
Think Santa Claus is just some fictional character conjured up to take attention away from baby Jesus? WRONG! There was an actual Saint Nick who was present at the Council of Nicea in A.D. 325 and, according to legend, slapped the taste out of the mout…
November 22, 2023 12:19 pm
Man Erases Entire Year’s Worth Of Exercise In One Meal
PITTSBURGH, PA — A local man undid an entire year’s worth of diet and physical activity over the course of one single hour during his family’s Thanksgiving meal.
November 22, 2023 11:58 am
How To Talk To Your Uncle At Thanksgiving About Why The Fellowship Couldn’t Have Just Flown The Eagles Into Mordor
It happens to all of us: you sit down around the dinner table with your family, thank God for the turkey, and just as you’re about to take a bite of grandma’s delicious cheesy potato dish, your crazy uncle starts ranting about how the Fellowship could …
November 22, 2023 11:45 am
Idiot Terrorists Try To Enter Via Canadian Border When Southern Border Is Wide Open
NIAGARA FALLS — Terrorists moronically attempted to enter the United States through its northern border today instead of simply strolling across the wide-open southern border.
November 22, 2023 10:53 am
Biden Administration Says Cost Of Thanksgiving Dinner Is Down As Long As You Don’t Buy Anything
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to criticism about the high prices of food as the holiday season approaches, the Biden administration assured American families that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner is actually down significantly this year in comparison t…
November 21, 2023 4:50 pm
President That Just Gave Hamas $100 Million Denounces Elon Musk As Antisemite
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After handing $100 million to terrorists hellbent on killing Jews, the White House today accused Elon Musk of being an antisemite over a social media post.
November 21, 2023 2:25 pm
Not Sure Which Christian Denomination To Join? Here Are The Pros And Cons Of Each
It can be so confusing, trying to figure out which of the 437 Christian denominations you want to join. In fact, scientists believe there are almost as many denominations as there are genders. That’s a lot of different ways to do church!
November 21, 2023 2:12 pm
CDC Fights Waning Vaccine Interest By Sweetening Pot To 2 Donuts Per Jab
ATLANTA, GA — As public interest in getting the COVID-19 vaccine fell to a new low, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that it will now be upping its incentive to giving 2 free donuts to anyone who takes the shot.
November 21, 2023 1:34 pm
Hamas Offers To Release Hostages If Israel Agrees To Not Exist
QATAR — In a promising development for over 230 innocent civilians held captive in Gaza, Chief Ismail Haniyeh extended an offer to release all the hostages. In exchange, he has asked for the nation of Israel to no longer exist.
November 21, 2023 12:18 pm
Family Has Memorable Time Putting Up Tree Decorations For Mom To Move To Correct Spots As Soon As Everyone Leaves
WATERTOWN, SD — According to sources, a local family has gathered for their annual tradition of putting up Christmas tree decorations that their mother will move to the correct spots immediately after everyone walks away.
November 21, 2023 11:35 am
Hunter Biden Disappointed To Learn White Powder All Over White House Just Fake Snow
WASHINGTON, D.C. — What Hunter Biden had initially hoped would be the most wondrous day of his life resulted in profound disappointment, as he discovered the white powder being spread all around the White House grounds was only fake snow for decoration…
November 21, 2023 9:55 am
Smoke Rises From White House Indicating Biden Has Survived Another Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation rejoiced yesterday as smoke rose from the White House, indicating the elderly President has survived yet another year.