November 21, 2023 1:34 pm

Hamas Offers To Release Hostages If Israel Agrees To Not Exist

QATAR — In a promising development for over 230 innocent civilians held captive in Gaza, Chief Ismail Haniyeh extended an offer to release all the hostages. In exchange, he has asked for the nation of Israel to no longer exist.

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November 21, 2023 12:18 pm

Family Has Memorable Time Putting Up Tree Decorations For Mom To Move To Correct Spots As Soon As Everyone Leaves

WATERTOWN, SD — According to sources, a local family has gathered for their annual tradition of putting up Christmas tree decorations that their mother will move to the correct spots immediately after everyone walks away.

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November 21, 2023 11:35 am

Hunter Biden Disappointed To Learn White Powder All Over White House Just Fake Snow

WASHINGTON, D.C. — What Hunter Biden had initially hoped would be the most wondrous day of his life resulted in profound disappointment, as he discovered the white powder being spread all around the White House grounds was only fake snow for decoration…

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November 21, 2023 9:55 am

Smoke Rises From White House Indicating Biden Has Survived Another Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation rejoiced yesterday as smoke rose from the White House, indicating the elderly President has survived yet another year.

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November 20, 2023 4:31 pm

Karine Jean-Pierre Claims Biden Is Youngest President Of All Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Joe Biden celebrated his 81st birthday, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre made the bold pronouncement that Biden is officially the youngest president in the nation’s history.

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November 20, 2023 3:18 pm

10 Big Pharma Lies You Might Still Believe

It’s been quite a rollercoaster the last few years. Everywhere you turn, you find more reasons to distrust the authorities that oversee our lives. At least we can trust the big pharmaceutical companies that work so hard to keep us alive and well, right…

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November 20, 2023 2:27 pm

NOT SATIRE: We’re Taking A Stand Against The Left — Are You With Us?

Even though it reads like a headline from The Babylon Bee, it’s unfortunately very real. Last week, big companies like Disney and Apple began pulling their advertisements from X (formerly Twitter) to distance themselves from Elon Musk, even though thes…

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November 20, 2023 1:03 pm

1 Billion Argentinians Already Dead After Libertarian Elected

BUENOS AIRES — A catastrophic tragedy has befallen the former socialist utopia of Argentina as 1 billion citizens have already died due to Libertarian candidate Javier Milei being elected president.

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November 20, 2023 12:05 pm

FBI Releases Special Edition Jan 6 Footage DVD With Director’s Commentary

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the release of additional January 6 security footage, FBI Director Christopher Wray announced that the bureau would record 44,000 hours of live commentary for a special extended edition release on DVD.

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November 20, 2023 10:09 am

Palestinian Authority Warns That Gaza Hospitals Running Dangerously Low On Ammunition

NEW YORK, NY — Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas issued an impassioned plea at the U.N. this week, begging Western powers for aid to help hospitals in Gaza, which he says are running dangerously low on ammunition.

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November 20, 2023 9:21 am

Libertarian Pilgrims Set Sail For Argentina In Search Of A Better Life

PORTSMOUTH, NH — Immediately after Argentinians did the unthinkable and elected an actual libertarian to an actual political office, a shipful of libertarian immigrants was seen departing a New Hampshire port Monday morning "in search of a better l…

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November 19, 2023 2:12 pm

San Francisco Mayor Reminds Everyone To Get Their Christmas Shoplifting Done Early

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With Christmas just around the corner, Mayor London Breed of San Francisco encouraged residents to get their shoplifting done early this year.

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November 19, 2023 1:43 pm

Baptist Pastor Gives Disclaimer That Any Lyric About Lifting Up Your Hands Is Strictly A Metaphor

BIRMINGHAM, AL — Pastor Donald Rogers of Second Baptist Birmingham started today’s service by unveiling a new church disclaimer that any lyrics about lifting up your hands should be understood as strictly metaphorical.

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November 18, 2023 11:12 am

T-Ball Player Named MVP After Kinda Sorta Running In General Direction Of First Base

LITTLE ROCK, AR — Local t-ball player Luther Haddox locked up his team’s "Most Valuable Player" award after running somewhat in the general direction of first base.

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