August 10, 2022 9:30 am

Saruman Breeds Army Of 87,000 More Tax Collectors

MORDOR — In order to ensure the kingdoms of Middle Earth pay their fair share to The Great Eye, Saruman has created an army of 87,000 tax collectors in the breeding pits of Orthanc Tower.

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August 9, 2022 4:28 pm

Success! You Managed To Get One Pant Leg On Your Toddler! UPDATE: BOTH LEGS ARE OUT AGAIN PLEASE SEND HELP

See, that wasn’t so hard! According to your spouse, you were just instructed to go change your toddler, something you should be fully capable of without any help. You just got one pant leg on and that’s half the battle right there!

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August 9, 2022 3:56 pm

‘You’ll Never Take Me Alive, Coppers!’ Shouts Trump Speeding Away From FBI Agents In Golf Cart

PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump was seen fleeing on a golf cart while shouting defiantly at federal agents Monday. Witnesses claim he led authorities on a daring chase that reached speeds of up to 30 Mph.

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August 9, 2022 1:28 pm

Report: FBI Raided Mar-A-Lago After Tip That Parents Were Protesting A School Board Meeting There

PALM BEACH, FL — Amid mounting accusations of attempting to intimidate former President Trump from running for re-election in 2024, Attorney General Merrick Garland explained today that when the FBI was tipped off about a school board protest at Mar-A-…

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August 9, 2022 12:35 pm

Man Tries To Get Into Heaven By Showing God Ukraine Flag In His Twitter Bio

PEARLY GATES — Anthony Spinner, a Wisconsin man who’d recently been broken in half during a backyard wrestling match, attempted to argue his way into the Kingdom of Heaven by showing Saint Peter the Ukraine flag he placed on his Twitter bio. He was rep…

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August 9, 2022 10:13 am

14 Things The FBI Found In Donald Trump’s Safe

The FBI raided former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America! While they were there they spent over four hours cracking open a solid gold safe.

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August 9, 2022 9:28 am

Trump Thanks FBI For Kicking Off His 2024 Reelection Campaign

MAR-A-LAGO, FL — The morning after Trump’s Florida home was raided by FBI agents, the former president took the time to thank the FBI for officially kicking off his reelection campaign.

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August 9, 2022 7:41 am

13 Desperately Needed Projects Funded By The Inflation Reduction Act

The Inflation Reduction Act is rampaging through Congress right now and is expected to become the law of the land. But what is in the bill? We went through the text line by line so that you, and members of Congress, don’t have to!

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August 9, 2022 7:27 am

New Bill In Congress Hires An IRS Agent To Live In Every Home

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Inflation Reduction Act reportedly provides for additional funding to hire 140 million new IRS agents — one for every home in America.

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August 8, 2022 5:27 pm

Hunter Biden Breathes Sigh Of Relief As FBI Raid Team Passes By His House On Way to Mar-A-Lago

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — High-level Chinese asset and sex trafficker Hunter Biden breathed a sigh of relief this evening as an FBI raid team passed by his West Palm Beach vacation home to raid Donald Trump’s residence in Mar-a-Lago.

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August 8, 2022 3:13 pm

Once-Bustling Mall Now Just 300 Spirit Halloweens And 5 Starbucks

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Times have been hard for Fairfield Valley Shopping Center, with most of its retail stores going out of business over the last few years. According to sources, all vacant spaces are now occupied by either Spirit Halloween or Starbuck…

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August 8, 2022 2:12 pm

Biden Invites Group Of Kids To White House To See If His Sense Of Smell Has Returned

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After finally testing negative for COVID, President Biden has invited a group of kids back to the White House to see if his sense of smell has returned.

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August 8, 2022 1:26 pm

9 Horrible Things Brought About By Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity has been under fire since third-wave feminism in the ‘90s, and for good reason – men have brought nothing but wickedness and dirty laundry into the world from the beginning. Want examples? Here are 9 horrible things brought to you by …

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August 8, 2022 10:48 am

Source Confirms White House Dog Has Been Running Country During Biden’s COVID Isolation

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A White House insider confirmed today that the Bidens’ German Shepherd Major has been running the country during the president’s COVID isolation period. Government insiders are already praising the dog for overseeing the most action-…

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