March 17, 2022 3:22 pm
Media: ‘Gas Prices Have Always Been Above $7 And We’ve Always Been At War With Russia’
U.S.—Mainstream media outlets are reporting this week that gas prices have always exceeded $7.00 a gallon and that we’ve always been at war with Russia. Also, there’s never been such a thing as COVID.
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March 17, 2022 2:04 pm
Congress Votes To Send Ukraine $600 Stimulus Check
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has continued to escalate and Washington has wasted no time in pledging support. According to sources, Congress has voted unanimously to send Ukraine a $600 stimulus check.
The post Congress Votes To Send Ukraine $600 Stimulus Check appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
March 17, 2022 1:01 pm
Top Signs You Went To Youth Group In The ’90s
Youth groups were the tightest place to be in the ’90s. Did you go to one religiously back then? Know the warning signs:
March 17, 2022 11:18 am
Wokeness Strikes Again: Nintendo Just Confirmed That In ‘Breath Of The Wild 2’ Zelda Will Be A Girl
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
The post Wokeness Strikes Again: Nintendo Just Confirmed That In ‘Breath Of The Wild 2’ Zelda Will Be A Girl appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
March 17, 2022 11:13 am
Nation Wishes There Were Some Way They Could Have Known About The Hunter Biden Laptop Story Before The Election
U.S.—The New York Times has confirmed the authenticity of Hunter Biden’s laptop story, leaving many Americans wishing there was some way they could have known about this before the 2020 election.
March 17, 2022 10:08 am
Parents Baffled That 1 Hour Of Youth Group A Week Not Effectively Combating Teen’s 30 Hours On TikTok
U.S.—Christian parents are reportedly baffled that an hour of youth group each is not enough to combat the thirty hours of TikTok their teenagers consume every week. Now youths are experimenting with sin like they just ate from the tre…
March 17, 2022 8:59 am
99.9% Of Americans Support Sending Mitt Romney To Fight In Ukraine
U.S.—While Americans remain divided over whether we should expand our involvement in Ukraine to direct military intervention, possibly causing the world to descend into a Fallout-style apocalyptic wasteland, Americans were able to unite ove…
March 16, 2022 5:36 pm
Jussie Says He Fears For His Life As His Attackers Have Been Released
The post Jussie Says He Fears For His Life As His Attackers Have Been Released appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
March 16, 2022 3:00 pm
Pete Davidson Confirmed As Next James Bond
LONDON—The next actor to take on the mantle of Ian Fleming’s beloved character James Bond has been found. EON Productions announced Wednesday that actor/comedian Pete Davidson would be stepping into the role of a sexier and more deadly 007.
March 16, 2022 2:49 pm
Here Are The Winners Of The Babylon Bee’s Women Of The Year
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March 16, 2022 1:07 pm
Planned Parenthood Backs New ‘Don’t Say Baby’ Bill
NEW YORK—Lobbyists on behalf of Planned Parenthood have introduced a new “Don’t Say Baby” bill which will ban any mention of the word “baby” in all abortion debates, hearings, suits, and legislation. Under the new law, “baby” will be redacted or, where appropriate, replaced by the term “appendix.”
The post Planned Parenthood Backs New ‘Don’t Say Baby’ Bill appeared first on The Babylon Bee.
March 16, 2022 12:05 pm
Zelensky Begs Congress To Bring Back Trump
KYIV—In a stirring address to members of Congress from war-torn Kyiv, Ukrainian President Zelensky begged America’s elected representatives to bring back Trump.
The post Zelensky Begs Congress To Bring Back Trump appear…
March 16, 2022 9:56 am
AOC To Vote Against Making Daylight Savings Permanent, Saying Americans Consume Too Much Sunlight Already
WASHINGTON, D.C—The Senate has passed legislation that would make daylight savings time permanent. This decision has garnered bipartisan support but has run into a slight hiccup as congresswoman AOC has objected, stating we must continue to set …
March 16, 2022 9:01 am
Zelensky Makes Common-Sense Plea To Start WWIII
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emotional plea before Congress today, Ukrainian president Zalinsky made a common-sense request for America to institute a no-fly zone and start WWIII.
The post Zelensky Makes Common-Sense Plea To Start …